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Don’t Call It a Comeback

February 12, 2011

Well… yeah, call it a comeback.  I had dinner tonight with a dear friend and we were talking about the things we want to do “better” in 2011.  One of the things I shared was re-ignite my blog, because I really do miss it.  And there’s no time like the present, so here I am!

So why the radio silence?  I told you all about my new job back in September… well it wasn’t all I expected it to be.  Actually, it was horrible.  I mean… really bad.  For the first 3 months, I was so disappointed and discouraged with my new gig- that I couldn’t find joy or pleasure in anything.  By Thanksgiving, I was beginning to scare myself.  I all of a sudden felt like life wasn’t worth living. Yes, all because of a bad job.

I’ve known for awhile that a lot of my happiness and life was wrapped up in my career but it wasn’t until it went south, that I realized how much.  I was drowning emotionally and it was happening fast.  I called Diane.  You remember Diane? I spent most of October and November wallowing in my own self pity.  But when I started thinking about “ending it all”… albeit not seriously, but when those thoughts began creeping into my mind… I knew it was time to bring in reinforcements.  So in late November/early December, I went to see Diane.  I ended up only seeing her for a couple sessions because things started turning around at work by mid December… and of course, because I’m unhealthily attached to my career and success- the depression began to fade.

How was the job horrible?  I felt unnecessary, not needed, like an afterthought.  I didn’t feel valued.  These are all my barometer for success and happiness.  My career has always been that one beacon of light in my life… that place where I shine and have mastered perfection and success.  When that failed me… I felt utterly lost.  The people were lovely, but I was now a small fish in a very big pond and this job was just not feeding my ego!

Fast forward to 2011.  The job has turned around and I have found my stride (for the most part).  I once again feel valued and a necessary component of an operation.  If all that went away tomorrow, I think I’d have the same problem I had last year.  Clearly, there’s work to be done on me.

But alas, I’m here.  Over the last couple months, I’ve been slowly rejoining life and the world.  And it was time to start blogging again… so here I am.  I’ve got a lot more to tell you… so stay tuned.  Hopefully this will be a long and fruitful Second Act of 30something!

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Nay permalink
    February 12, 2011 8:40 pm

    So glad you’re back 🙂

  2. kris permalink
    February 13, 2011 2:44 pm

    So glad you are back and doing well. I was so worried something had happened to you. Hopefully you will continue to give us updates and things will continue to go well for you. Stay blessed 🙂

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