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Just When I Thought I Was Out, Pulls Me Back In…

April 1, 2010

I am now convinced.  I, Roxy, am a masochist (which until just now, I didn’t know how to spell masochist… thank God for spell check).  But I have to be a masochist… why oh why would I torture myself with again?

I had a fleeting thought about rejoining and wrote it in yesterday’s post and here I am one day later… changing my profile from hidden to visible.  It’s already done… I’m back in, but just for shits and giggles, let me share with you reasons I think this is a very bad idea.

  1. does nothing for my self-esteem.  Nothing.
  2. In fact, annihilates any self confidence I have within weeks. (although I took the rejection much better this last go round than I had in the past).
  3. The overwhelming majority of men on remind me that men in this area are just not into fat girls or black girls or both. (I am both fat and black, so this is disconcerting to me).
  4. I have to deal with blatant rejection over and over again.  Example: I wink. He ignores.  I email. He ignores.
  5. The men who don’t reject me are creepy and old. This is not a subjective statement but a factual one.   (And yes, I realize the irony that I am judging a man by his age but am upset when men judge me by my race or weight).

I could go on, but I think I’ve painted a nice picture for you all.  So why am I doing this?  I thought I already said… I must be a masochist.  There’s no other explanation.  Ok, so yeah… the account already exists and is paid up till June 2010 so I don’t have to spend any extra money.  But I’ve disabled the account for the last three months because is evil.

Alright, over exaggeration.   But has been known to make me feel like shit and it seemed stupid to do something that makes me feel like shit when I’m trying to learn to love and accept myself as I am.

But here’s how they always get me… I have a self pity party about being single but I am too damn action oriented to complain and whine about something without trying to fix it.  So in yesterday’s post, I showed a little of my crazy single woman side and whined about my chronic single life and after fully sharing my woes with the world, I wanted to solve my problem or at least try.

And so, as and the cadre of on-line dating sites have a tendency of doing when I’m bummed about being single… the idea of giving one of them another shot crept into my head and I couldn’t shake the idea.

So here goes nothing.  I’m back on… for the time being.  Let’s see if I make it to June before disabling my account again.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. April 1, 2010 9:47 am

    Old guys often have lots of money – I’m just sayin’ 😉

    • April 1, 2010 11:12 am

      ah, NCP… this is a different twist on the old men that I don’t usually give much thought to… I’m gonna have to keep this in mind before I dismiss the next guy 20 years my senior. 😉

  2. Trabb's Boy permalink
    April 1, 2010 11:08 am

    Best of luck with this. I can tell you that my sister, who by no means fits the current beauty norms, met her perfect-fit husband on, so it can work. If I were doing it, I would be very upfront about my looks and turn-offs, because I’d rather have an empty email box than one filled with rejection either way. I mean hell, if you’re into the masochism thing, I think there are more exciting versions of that.

    Like the site revamp!

    • April 1, 2010 11:16 am

      thanks Trabb’s! I like hearing about success stories from and the like… it gives me hope. And I’ve actually thought about being REALLY upfront in my profile too. I mean, I list my body type as full-figured (though some men think that means Pamela Anderson) and I have several full body shot pictures… but I’ve been toying with the idea of adding something about looking for men who aren’t so superficial to only be interested in slender and athletic & toned women. But still weighing the pros and cons of that… don’t want to go off on a tirade in my profile and scare the guys off, you know? And touche on the masochism thing! 😉

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