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Dating? Who Has Time For Dating?

March 31, 2010

For years, my dating life has been umm, lackluster.  Usually, I am secretly pining away for some guy that is unattainable or I am secretly pining away for some guy that I believe is unattainable so I pine away for him in secret.   And this is the story of my love life.  My mother is very worried.

For years, I’ve used the excuse that I’m just really busy so it’s hard to meet eligible guys.  This, of course, is bullshit.  But most people fall for it or pretend to fall for it… very few question it.

Although the “I’m so busy” excuse is the truth wrapped up in falsehood (also known as bullshit), last year (2009) it was really true.  I mean, really… it was true.  This is what I told people and unlike in the past, I actually believed what I was saying.  Let’s look back on 2009, shall we?  I was working 7 days a week,  12-15 hour days… I mean there is no way someone in their right mind would expect or anticipate me to find a boyfriend under those circumstances, right?  No truth wrapped in falsehoods here.

But here comes the rub.

Two of my female colleagues who toiled away and worked as many hours as I did in 2009 (if not more) both met someone during 2009 and are now successfully dating those guys.

When the first woman started dating someone, I didn’t think much of it because she’s the kind of woman who grabs your attention so I wasn’t surprised to find out that she had caught the eye of one of our male colleagues during the peak of  our busy time.  It just made sense.  That’s just the kind of chick she is.

The second woman is the one who sent me into this current state of self pity and concern.  She’s attractive, smart, funny and yes, she’s thin- and it’s because of these factors that her singledom always validated mine.  But a couple weeks ago, I was out with some colleagues and found out that she’s been dating someone for the last couple months that she met during a work meeting.

And I sat there learning of the second woman’s love life and forced a smile and a “Oh, I’m so happy for her. She so deserves it.” to come across my lips.  This was hard because here’s what I was really thinking…

Are you f*cking kidding me?  Are you motherf*cking KIDDING me???  Am I the last single person in this group?  How the hell do these people get in relationships?  Are they not working the same hours as me?  Where the F*CK are they meeting these people?  I bet their friends set them up with guys… unlike my friends who tell me I’m too good for any of the guys they know… whatever the hell that means.  I feel like it was just the other day that me and her (second woman) were moaning and groaning about being single… ok so that was in December but Jesus… whatever, I’m not sure why you’re trying to compare yourself to two skinny, attractive women, Roxy.  This town is as superficial as LA except it snows and so yeah, this kind of shit would happen to them because they fit a certain type guys in this town are looking for.  Grr, I hope I’m still smiling.

Even the chronically single of my co-workers and colleagues are finding ways to date.  Two figured out how to make it happen even with our wretched work schedules during the 2nd part of 2009.  And I’m not freaking out… not exactly.  But when I hear that my female colleagues are in relationships borne from the worst work schedule/life in history which was my sincere excuse for a lackluster romantic life, I begin to worry.

Friends continue to tell me it has nothing to do with my weight (I also continue to tell myself this).  Friends say- it will come when you least expect it… to which I respond, what the hell does that mean really?  I am not spending my days or nights pining away for a guy.  I don’t dwell on my singledom (at least not like I used to).  I am “open” to a relationship or at least more “open”.  But you know what my problem is with the cliche advice?  That women who are pining away and dwelling on finding a man still go on dates and even get to the boyfriend stage.  That women who have self esteem issues and could be more “open” still go on dates and even get to the boyfriend stage.

My point?  These cliches are like my excuse of being too busy… their truths wrapped up in falsehoods.  And now that I have taken the time to prove all of the cliche advice I’ve ever been given to be wrong… one question still remains.  What the hell is wrong with me and when will I become part of the dating scene?

Maybe I should try on-line dating again?  Ugh, I shudder at the thought.

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