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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

March 29, 2010

Relationships are relationships, right?  Even if you pay for them?  Well, I think so.

And after 4 plus years of going to my therapist (Diane), I had the awkward conversation where I told her that I don’t think I need her anymore.   This should be a good thing, but I built a relationship with her… and yes, I was paying her but she knew me better than most of my friends.   I told her things that I don’t have the heart or guts to tell others. She was the one person I could count on to always answer my calls, respond to my emails, and give me sage advice.

Some sessions dealt with deep issues and some sessions were as random and light-hearted as they come.   I initially went to her because she fashions herself a life coach versus a therapist and at the time, that’s exactly what I was looking for.  I didn’t want someone who would just listen to me and nod their head; but someone who would make me act, check up on me, and hold me accountable.

When I walked into her office for the first time, I was in my mid 20s and stressed about where my life was heading and more importantly, where it was not heading.

I wanted a lot out of therapy:

  1. the ability to forgive my family for past wrongs done to me… I’m as good as I’m gonna get on this one for now.
  2. a healthier and more honest relationship with family members and friends… can check this one off the list.
  3. A boyfriend that would lead to a husband and family… still working on this one.
  4. Weight loss… well, let’s just say situation unclear.

After our first session, Diane schooled me on some of my aforementioned goals… #3 and #4 to be exact.  She told me if I didn’t change my reason for wanting to lose weight (to snag a man),  I’ll never be at a ‘happy’ weight.  She forced me to stop panicking over my lack of husband prospects and to take overt action to put myself out there looking for dates and not marriage (VERY hard to do by the way).

She never put up with my bullshit, like when I couldn’t get myself into an exercise regime and she suggested just going for a leisurely walk instead of “pushing myself” and I told her I couldn’t just go for a walk because I didn’t want to be the fat loser who wasn’t even working up a sweat… I needed to push myself to my physical limits when I exercised.  And her response?  Well, that doesn’t seem to be working for you and right now, you sitting at home makes you the biggest loser of all.

She took my asinine calls and talked me through whatever was sending me into a panic, like when I called her from my first ski trip that I was ABSOLUTELY dreading because I thought your weight was printed on the skis, which sent me into a spiral of sheer panic.  She calmly explained to me that those numbers had nothing to do with weight and was actually related to a person’s height.

The list goes on. But over the last few months, I realized that this woman has done her job and done her job well… she’s taught me everything I need to know and how to apply it.  The only job left is mine… to do it.  And I don’t need her for that… all I need is me and all the tools she helped me gather over the years.

So I broke up with her.  Diane took the break up quite well… me?  Not so much, but I’m realizing it was the right decision.  The irony is that I wouldn’t have been able to recognize it was time to end the relationship without all the work that Diane and I have done over the last 4+ years.

Will I go back?  Yeah, I’m going to see her a couple times over the next few months in preparation for my triathlon.  And after that?  Who knows… but I know that if I ever needed to go back or call her in a state of panic, she’d be right where I left her! Which makes this the best break up of all.  🙂

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 31, 2010 11:02 am

    This entry made me laugh at loud a few times. Diane sounds awesome. What a huge step!

    • March 31, 2010 1:34 pm

      thanks @K… that woman had the patience of Job with me sometimes. 🙂 But I’m glad I took this leap of faith. It is definitely the right move for me right now!

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