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Do these pants make me look fat?

March 11, 2010

Fully accepting my body size comes with everyday struggles– the media, society, 20 years of self-hatred, and the list goes on.  But everyday, I see myself making progress towards letting go of that self-hatred and accepting my body just the way it is!  And I do my best to avoid roadblocks and triggers to negative fat/body thinking.  But what do you do when those roadblocks or triggers are your friends?

Let’s be clear, I don’t expect all my friends to join the FA/body acceptance movement.  I have no desire to pressure anyone to jump on my bandwagon.  But while I still struggle with my self-acceptance, it’s hard to hear negative comments about fat… even if it’s not about my own fat.  But what can I do?  I can’t and don’t want to go into some kind of isolation.  And girls will be girls, right?  We have been programmed to find all flaws with our bodies and we share those with our closest girlfriends.

But every time a girlfriend complains about her “fat ass” or the flab under her arms or how ugly and fat she feels, I have this inner urge to chime in with negative feelings of my own.  I very rarely have negative feelings consciously, but clearly there’s something deep down in my gut that still reacts to this kind of thinking.

I feel like a recovering alcoholic who wants to hang out with her friends.  And although her friends aren’t raging party goers, they enjoy meeting up for happy hours and sharing a bottle of wine at dinner.  In the beginning, the temptation to revert back into your old ways has to feel suffocating.  With time, I would assume it becomes easier.  But what do you do before enough time has passed and your resolve is sturdy?

5 Comments leave one →
  1. March 11, 2010 9:43 am

    totally unrelated but are you coming to fitbloggin’ in baltimore. You’re nearby yes?

    • March 12, 2010 12:14 pm

      I haven’t heard about it but yeah, i’m an hour out of baltimore!

      • March 13, 2010 7:23 am

        A bunch of fitness bloggers are attending a conference next weekend in baltimore. Maybe we could meet up some night and chat.

  2. March 11, 2010 4:19 pm

    This is really hard.
    I’m very lucky in that most of my friends don’t talk much about dieting or weight so I don’t have to get that uncomfortable feeling too often. But it’s still there. I usually either ignore it and change the subject, or I say something like ‘I think you’re lovely the way you are, actually’ and then try to change the subject. What I REALLY hate is when skinny women sit around talking about their own weight problems and ignore me as if I’m not there. It’s like they’re saying ‘I am so DISGUSTING for having these extra five pounds… you have an extra eighty pounds so there isn’t even a word for how gross you are.’ Sigh.

    • March 12, 2010 12:17 pm

      I hear that @spilt milk. I take pilates classes and there are these thin girls in those classes who drive me crazy complaining about their 10 pounds or their fat butts. And I don’t want to judge, they may actually believe that about themselves… but how the hell is that supposed to make me feel?! haha

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