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How Will I Know?

January 21, 2010

I had an appointment with my therapist a couple nights ago and I shared with her my new journey on accepting my body just the way it is.  I told her that for now, I don’t want to focus on weight loss or getting a boyfriend… primarily because I don’t think I know how to do either of those things in a healthy way.  I obsess about it.  I get discouraged.  I quickly get into my destructive all or nothing mentality.  And so I overeat, I begin thinking less of myself… and then I start the vicious cycle all over again.

So enough is enough.  Now, I’ll turn the attention on me.  I am going to focus on becoming ok in my own skin, becoming ok with my size, being happy with my attributes and my flaws (so that my flaws are no longer flaws in my eyes).  It’s a huge undertaking, I know that.  But it’s the right decision for me.  I mean, if I’m going to obsess about a topic, what better topic than loving me… right?!

So I share this with my therapist and she seems happy for me.  And she asks me a follow up question.  How will you measure your progress?  My response: “huh, I dunno”  It’s easy to measure your progress with tangible goals like “find a man” or “lose weight”… but how do you measure the intangible?

How will I know when I have good self body image?  How will I know when I am ok with my fatness?  How will I measure my progress?

Here’s what I’ve come up with:  still don’t know, but does it matter?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 21, 2010 10:39 am

    i’m not sure it’s something you measure in progress. i think one day you might just wake up, look in the mirror and realize that all that bullsh*t has disappeared and you don’t even miss it!

  2. Fat Academic permalink
    January 21, 2010 4:32 pm

    I think the only way to measure your progress in this area is in how you feel about yourself. You might realise your legs aren’t as bad you once thought they were. You might suddenly give your stomach props for the fact that it is nicely curved or carried a child under it. You get the idea.

    I think you are making great progress already! You have already made big steps into the journey and you should be proud of yourself!

    Hope to read more of your journey when I get back from my camping trip!

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