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Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

January 4, 2010

Nothing drives me more crazy with on-line dating than the euphemistic ways that guys try to weed out “fat chicks”.  Well, maybe there are some things that drive me more crazy with on-line dating… such as not actually ‘dating’.  But that’s for another post, another day.

Today, I want to vent about how hard it has been for me- a fat chick- to find guys who can see past my weight and give me a shot.   I’m an attractive girl, I’m highly educated, have a great job in politics, and an all around fun person.  I’ve shared my on-line dating profile with many friends (both male and female) and I constantly get rave reviews and where I’ve gotten critique- I made necessary changes.  What I’m trying to say here is that I’m a f*cking catch and my profile shows it.

But more times than not, I see in a guy’s profile “code words” that say he’s looking for a skinny girl.  Under his ideal match’s body type he has no preference, but in his profile-  he’s looking for someone athletic.  I’m calling your BS.  You’re not looking for someone athletic, you’re looking for someone skinny.  Because I’m athletic and I’m pretty sure you’re not looking for me.

I run (not far or fast- but I run), I swim laps, I work out several times a week, I hike… I’m f*cking athletic.  One of my friends who is a size 4 does none of those things.  In fact, I took her on a super easy hike a couple years back and we had to stop twice because she felt like she was going to black out.  But if this same friend was on the same dating site as me, these guys who are looking for a girl who is “athletic” would pick my friend over me nearly every time.

It just drives me crazy.  We’ve all been taught “don’t judge a book by its cover” yet we all have done it.  I’ve done it.  But I’m trying to go on some dates here and if every guy is going to judge me before they have a chance to get to know me- then on-line dating will be a major FAIL (as it is proving to be).  And it’s not like men are knocking down my door when I go out with friends or that I’m meeting them any other way.

What’s a girl to do?  I guess I need to become “athletic”.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 4, 2010 10:50 pm

    Oh I soooo know what you mean!! I have only recently dipped a bit into the world of online dating at the recommendation of a friend and have gotten very few bites…even after initiating the messaging process with some people. I guess the anonymity of online dating helps the rejection to not sting so much and makes it a bit less scary to put yourself out there, but it is frustrating! I try to tell myself that I have no proof that the fat is the reason they don’t give me a second glance…but who am I kidding…I’m a catch too!

    What I’m trying to say is…I feel your pain.

    • January 6, 2010 8:29 am

      Thanks Ali… I assumed I wasn’t the only one out there! But none of my friends who have done on-line dating never have the experience I do and its not like they are all thin. But maybe there is a “fat line” that once crossed makes it for fat chicks to meet guys via on-line dating sites. Who knows, but gotta keep trying- right? Or so I tell myself.

  2. January 6, 2010 1:52 pm

    What can you do? Try not to let it bother you. You can’t do anything about guys who use code words or guys who try to weed out fat girls. If they’re that opposed to fat, then I would hope you’d see that they’re simply shallow jerkoffs who aren’t worth your time and trouble.

    Even if the euphemisms went out the window, you’d just be confronted by profiles that say “NO FATTIES.” This is the trouble with dating in such a superficial society. And you just have to learn to ignore it because you can’t force anyone to be attracted to you.

    Be yourself. The rest will come in due time.

    Peace,
    Shannon

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